A list of things that would kill a Victorian Child (in Melbourne) (in 2023)
Happy New Year Lovers!
Thank you for letting me into your home inbox for another year ❤️ I adore every single one of you. It’s just a short one this month. My Melbourne Comedy Festival show “Non-Dairy Presenting” has gone on sale here already, and my shows in Sydney (May 10 & 12 at the Factory Theatre) and Brisbane (May 18-21 at the Brisbane Powerhouse) will be on sale next month. I know it’s a bit hard to book tickets for a show in March/April/May in January, but if you’re the kind of person who likes to plan, get yours now! (🥺 please)
Anywho here is
A list of things that would kill a Victorian Child (in Melbourne) (in 2023)
a polyamorous genderqueer bisexual’s homemade quinoa bread with a smear of canna butter
the Fitzroy Garage sesh and everyone there
iced oat latte with two shots of coffee
k-hole at the smokers at revs
paying $350 for a “designed in Australia, made in a sweatshop” burlap sack of a dress from a “boutique” on Flinders lane
lemon lime and bitters flavoured alcoholic kombucha
the concept of a PR event
Brazilian Butt Lift reversal surgery
a dachshund with separation anxiety
waiting in the 9 hour queue to leave Beyond the Valley festival in a Subaru without aircon while having to listen to everyone’s In's & Out’s for the year
Fitzroy Pool water
AirPod Pro’s noise cancellation setting, playing Björk
Björk
McDonald’s drive through
“Love-bombing” “Gaslighting” “U-hauling” “Goblin mode”
Karen’s Diner
Instagram marketing bros selling personal branding courses and crypto tips for the low price of $99 per week so you too can wear too-tight chinos and boat shoes without socks. Limited offer! Sign up now!
Margiela Tabi boot wearers
the suburb known as Docklands
& with that, I’m out and back to working on a longer piece for next month. Maybe. Probably. We’ll see.
Love,
Aurelia